38 weeks

I am 38 weeks this week and am feeling pretty good. At my doctor's appointment last week things hadn't changed much (bummer). Dr. D and I talked about inducing. She mentioned that if conditions were right (making progress) and it was in the due date week, she would consider inducing me. Dr. D is on call on Wednesday, November 24th, which is exactly one week before I am due, so that may be an option. This is why I don't sleep at night...

Do I...

*Wait it out and let the baby come whenever he/she wants?

*End this wonderful pregnancy on Nov. 24th due to the convenience of the weekend and having family around to help out with Brooklyn?

I don't really have the answer yet...I was hoping that baby would come a little early (before the 24th) and then I wouldn't have to make the decision. It is not looking like that is going to happen. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and am looking forward to hearing how things are going.

My original plan was to work through November 24th, but that has changed. Based on how I am waddling, the contractions I am having, the lack of sleep I am getting, and the loss of breath when I do anything, I have decided to make this Friday, November 19th my last day of work until April 1st (the day I come back). I don't have many sick days to use this year (only 5, I think), so the rest of my maternity leave will be unpaid. But to me, it is SO worth it! I am hoping to spend one fun day with Brooklyn by ourselves either Monday or Tuesday next week before baby arrives....here I go again....tearing up.

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I have been so emotional this week and am SO very excited about the arrival of the new baby, but I am also very scared. I am worried about so many things, but the main thing right now is how I can possibly love another child as much as I love Brooklyn? How am I going to spread my love and time to both children? Will Brooklyn understand that baby is going to need attention too? Will Baby realize that I need to spend time with Brooklyn? How am I going to run to target? The grocery store? The post office? Shopping? How much sleep am I going to get? Will I be so tired that I won't have the energy to play with Brooklyn? What about Ryan? Will we ever have time with just the two of us? Will our relationship suffer? Will it continue to grow? Will he be around (no side jobs for awhile) to help raise 2 kids? Will I have time to do things for myself? So many questions....so many unknown answers. These are only a few things I think about throughout the night while everyone else is resting peacefully and I am wide awake trying to get comfortable. I know things will all work out (as everyone says it does) and I am probably overreacting, but the world of the unknown is always a scary thing.

I will keep you posted on the decision we make about inducing, or letting baby enter the world naturally...